Great Movie Re-Watch

Cobra (1986)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

Cobra (1986)

Director:

George P. Cosmatos

Writers:

Sylvester Stallone

Starring:

Sylvester Stallone

Brigitte Neilsen

Reni Santoni

Brian Thompson

Blurb:

A tough-on-crime street cop must protect the only surviving witness to a strange murderous cult with far-reaching plans.

Thoughts:

Cobra has a lot of tropes that have become overused, or it has stuff borrowed from much better works. Stallone’s character, Marion Cobretti, seems influenced by Dirty Harry and a character played by Steve McQueen in The Reivers. He’s also named after John Wayne. It’s too much for me.

It’s all a bit heavy-handed, and there are a couple of my least favorite tropes in action movies. Stallone gets the girl after being a dick to her. They have sex while she’s being chased by a violent cult of murderers that like to bang axes together. There’s a genuinely awful montage about halfway through the movie. It is painful to watch and doesn’t fit in with the film. There are several attempts by Stallone to be funny, some running gag about eating healthy, but it comes off as weird and awkward.

The original director’s cut was two hours long, but they cut stuff so that they could get more showings in theaters. Stallone was apparently in charge of or had a say in what was cut, so they cut many scenes with other characters. Which explains at the end of the movie where his partner is shot and then disappears until Stallone is putting him in an ambulance.

Reading the Wikipedia entry for this movie is peak diva Stallone. The man sounded like he was unbearable while filming this. Not just making the movie all about him to the detriment of the plot, but he wanted the author who wrote the book this was loosely based on to re-release the book and list him as coauthor—the absolute ego on this man.

The best part about Cobra was the tagline, “Crime is a disease. Meet the cure.” Everything else was too over the top, cliché, and honestly too dark, in my opinion. It might as well have been set in a post-apocalyptic world with how L.A. was depicted. Not a fan.

The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

Director:

Ron Clements

Burny Mattinson

David Michener

John Musker

Writers:

Peter Young

Vance Gerry

Steve Hulett

Ron Clements

John Musker

Bruce Morris

Matthew O’Callaghan

Burny Mattinson

David Michener

Mel Shaw

Starring:

Vincent Price

Barrie Ingham

Val Bettin

Susanne Pollatschek

Blurb:

Basil, the rodent Sherlock Holmes, investigates the kidnapping of a toy maker and uncovers its link to his archenemy, Professor Ratigan.

Thoughts:

I love The Great Mouse Detective. It was one of my favorite movies growing up, and after all these years, it holds up. The art style is good 2D animation and leaves behind the dirty look of the films from the 70s and early 80s. It still has dark lines outlining the characters, but it doesn’t look grainy. It’s visually appealing, and the story is entertaining. The villain is over the top evil and the hero is flawed but surrounded by people who push him to be better.

It was the first Disney animated movie to use CGI at length, probably the most interesting fact in the Wikipedia article.

The Great Mouse Detective is another film I have few thoughts on. It’s fun to watch, and I highly recommend it. I just don’t have much to say about it.

Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

Director:

Penny Marshall

Writers:

David Franzoni

Charles Shyer

Nancy Meyers

Chris Thompson

Starring:

Whoopi Goldberg

John Wood

Stephen Collins

Carol Kane

Annie Potts

Jonathan Pryce

Blurb:

A computer wiz woman works at a computer terminal in a NYC bank. One day she gets a strange message and breaks the code. Suddenly, she finds herself in the middle of dangerous spy business.

Thoughts:

I don’t know if I’m supposed to think of Jumpin’ Jack Flash as a romance or not. I mean, clearly, it starts as an average person being pulled into a spy operation. It’s hilarious because of all the hijinks that ensue, but at some point, it feels like it becomes something else. I think it’s when Terry, Whoopi Goldberg, goes to Jack’s, Jonathan Pryce, apartment. Then he goes from just her reading the words from the screen to his voice talking. Then, of course, there’s the dinner and how dressed up she gets. So by the end, I’m not sure if it’s still a funny spy movie or a funny spy romance movie.

If it is a romance movie, then the reveal at the end is the worst ever. Not only is Jack wearing some of the worst clothes ever, but it is clear he has no romantic feelings for Terry, and it’s all one-sided. Which is another point in the not a romance category. Of course, Terry tells her coworker that she’s already got someone and mentions being lonely at some point. She’s clearly got friends, so that comment leans toward wanting a romantic relationship.

I just don’t know. Maybe that’s part of why I like the movie? The constant not knowing if I’m supposed to believe they’ll be a couple after the credits roll. I could see a hookup happening, but Jack is seriously not cool enough for Terry. She’s a freaking badass. She’s quick on her feet and smart and rises to every situation she’s put in. Unless they worked together she would get so bored by him. Unless I’m supposed to infer from his clothes, at the end, that he’s as cool as her, but then her clothes are a style, his were 80s vomit.

It all comes back to that question. Is this a romance?

Thankfully, the movie gets me laughing out loud no matter how many times I watch it, so even with that huge unknown, I love Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

And now it’s time for Random Facts I Learned from the Wikipedia Article!

-This was supposed to be a vehicle for Shelley Long, and thank god it wasn’t. Whoopi did such a phenomenal job that I’m easily able to ignore the stuff she’s done more recently that I don’t like.

-It was Penny Marshall’s directorial debut

And that’s been another edition of Facts I learned from the Wikipedia Article!

Yeah, there wasn’t much on Wikipedia. Critics panned the movie, further proving they suck. One actually had the nerve to blame Marshall for it being bad saying some shit about her being more concerned about the décor than Whoopi’s performance. To that man, I say shut the fuck up. At least moviegoers seemed to like it. It wasn’t considered a bomb and made back almost double the budget. So that’s something.

I’m glad I own Jumpin’ Jack Flash. It started as a movie that I liked to have playing in the background and has become one that I like to watch and laugh along to. As well as try to answer the ultimate question, is this a romance?

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

Rambo: First Blood Part II

Director:

George P. Cosmatos

Writers:

Sylvester Stallone

James Cameron

Starring:

Sylvester Stallone

Richard Crenna

Charles Napier

Julie Nickson

Blurb:

Rambo returns to the jungles of Vietnam on a mission to infiltrate an enemy base-camp and rescue the American POWs still held captive there.

Thoughts:

Rambo: First Blood Part II nearly killed my momentum in my movie re-watch. I was not in the mood to watch it at all. In the end, I had it playing in the background while I folded laundry and played Candy Crush. It is not as good as the first movie and is the birth of Rambo’s current image. It has a huge body count, tons of explosions, and lots of racism. For one brief moment, it seems to call out the government and its treatment of the entire Vietnam war situation, but it is not nearly as scathing as the first movie.

I own Part II because it came in a box set my partner purchased. I nearly convinced myself to skip over it, but it felt like cheating. I don’t hate the movie. It isn’t so violent that it makes me ill, like a couple of the films my partner owns. It’s just not a movie I need to watch more than once.

After the last movie’s events, Rambo is working on a chain gang when Troutman approaches him about a job in Vietnam. He’s given a choice to go back to Vietnam or stay on the chain gang. He chose Vietnam. He’s completely set up for what happens to him, and you know it’s going to happen because he points it out before he gets in the chopper to leave. They hire freaking Rambo to take pictures proving there are no POWs. It was massive overkill, even if there wasn’t supposed to be anyone.

There’s a woman in this one. Rambo kisses her, and then she dies, spurning him on for vengeance. It’s one of my least favorite tropes in action movies. The character was Vietnamese and was supposed to speak in broken English, but the actress did an awful job of it. She pronounced all of the words correctly and skipped over words to make it sound broken. It didn’t sound like anyone I’ve heard who is speaking their non-native language.

Rambo: First Blood Part II showed the flaw in my system. I’ve had urges to watch movies that I own from later years, but I’ve resisted. Having this one in my queue with no desire to watch it made those urges harder to ignore. I ended up starting a binge-watch of Life in Pieces while I kept putting it off.

Next up is Jumpin Jack Flash.

Commando (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

Commando (1985)

Director:

Mark L. Lester

Writers:

Jeph Loeb

Matthew Weisman

Steven E. de Souza

Starring:

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Rae Dawn Chong

Dan Hedaya

Vernon Wells

Alyssa Milano

Blurb:

A retired Special Forces colonel tries to save his daughter, who was abducted by his former subordinate.

Thoughts:

Commando wastes exactly zero time getting into things. It starts with bad guys killing people, then moves right into John Matrix, Arnold Schwarzenegger, carrying a tree trunk over his shoulder while also holding a chainsaw. There is no wasted time or bloat, and at a 90 minute running time, it’s the perfect length.

Whether they realize it or not, this is the movie most people think of when they think of 80s action movies. You’ve got the over-the-top hero who has a high body count and is virtually unstoppable. A clear bad guy that is, in this case, more than a little unhinged. Multiple one-liners and a basic plotline. It’s uncomplicated, and when the main goal is completed, the movie stops, no matter what else is up in the air.

One of my favorite parts of Commando is Rae Dawn Chong’s character. I love the way she handles herself around first the scummy henchman and then later Matrix. She doesn’t let either man push her around, well, Matrix to a degree, but when he isn’t around her, she immediately goes to the cops. Then she decides for herself to help him. When he’s bossy, she answers back. She doesn’t come off as a pushover. She’s not forceful and in your face, but she’s a survivor and has a say in what happens to her. I like her.

What is even better than all of that, Matrix and Chong’s character do not kiss. I love it! So many action movies put a couple in constant peril, with the male hero a lot of the time being a total dick to the woman while he’s saving the day, and then it ends with them kissing. I hateeeee that. Good for you for saving the day but after the way you treated her, why the fuck would she kiss you??? It’s such a male power fantasy trip at the woman’s expense, and it always bothers me.

Bennett, Vernon Wells, is wearing a crochet vest that is supposed to look like chainmail, and I will never be able to take him seriously or find him threatening. Every time he appears on the screen, I’m just looking at his vest and wondering if his grandma gave it to him and if he kills people who bring it up. There’s also the clear, nearly orgasmic faces he makes when facing off with Matrix at the end. Dude clearly has some more than homicidal feelings toward Matrix. It explains his hatred of Matrix’s daughter too. She has come between them.

I like Commando. It’s one of my husband’s movies, but I appreciate it for what it is. I like the idea of 80s action movies. There are several elements to them that I enjoy, but then there are several elements that I don’t. I like the action. I like how over the top they can be. I could use a little bit more thought put into the script, just a little bit. I’m not asking for a ton. I just want there to be something there. Even if it’s basic, I want it to make some sense. I also really do not like how they treat women. Commando is tipped more into the positive side of my list than the negative.