Fat Vampire By Johnny B. Truant
When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn’t make fun of him, it’s just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a thousand-year-old vampire. And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it’s just Reginald’s own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he’s become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to “heal” to his corpulent self for all of eternity. As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire — too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead — he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife’s lemons into tasty lemon danishes.
I stayed up way too late reading this book. It’s actually been a while since I’ve stayed up quiet that late. I naturally regretted it in the morning but I just couldn’t stop reading.
There was a part involving a child where I was concerned about the direction the story was going but it all worked out and wasn’t creepy or horrible in any way. Though I didn’t understand why, at the end, they didn’t explain why the mother just let her child disappear for a couple weeks. Maybe I missed the explanation, it was super late.