Great Movie Re-Watch

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

Director:

Lewis Teague

Writers:

Mark Rosenthal

Lawrence Konner

Diane Thomas

Starring:

Kathleen Turner

Michael Douglas

Danny DeVito

Blurb:

When Joan Wilder is abducted while on a trip along the Nile, her boyfriend, Jack Colton, and pal Ralph rush to rescue her and retrieve a fabled jewel.

Thoughts:

There are many things wrong with The Jewel of the Nile. One of the biggest things is Michael Douglas. Not just his character, either. Kathleen Turner was right to fight not to be in this film. I own it, I know, but it’s because it came with Romancing the Stone in a collection.

I always forget just how bad Jewel is. I’ll be high off of how much I love Romancing the Stone and decide to pop it in, and I get completely deflated. The story doesn’t make sense. It’s wildly racist and sexist and not fun to watch. Unless you’re watching with a friend and making fun of it the entire time.

Jack, Douglas, is such a giant dick in this movie. He’s low-key abusive. He can’t handle Joan’s fame or that everything he ever wanted is because of her. He resents her and lashes out a few times when he feels threatened. He blames her for his problems, implies that she was sleeping with a dude, and is just an all-around douche bag.

What’s worse, the movie focuses as much on him as it does on Joan. I don’t care about him! I loved the first movie despite him. I loved it because of Joan. Focusing more on Jack made a bad story worse. They should have never wound up together. She should have spent her six months with him, realized she deserved more and left him. She could have had a different love in this movie. They do it all the time for male leads. What’s the issue with doing it here?

I don’t typically want a reboot of an older movie, but I would love to see a reboot of this series. As long as the female character was the lead and the man wasn’t a sexist dick. Maybe don’t even have a dude. Just give me an adventure movie with a female lead who’s a famous romance novelist. Is that too much to ask for???

And now it’s time for Random Facts I learned from the Wikipedia Article!

-Kathleen Turner did not want to make this movie, she thought the scripted sucked, but she was contractually obligated to and was threatened with a $25m lawsuit.

-Multiple crew members died in a tragic plane crash.

-The crew got sick while filming in Morocco and were told it was hepatitis, but then told if they paid a bribe, everything would be okay.

-After hours of setting up an intense night shoot, it was discovered there was no film in the cameras, and they had to scrap the day entirely.

And that’s been another edition of Random Facts I learned from the Wikipedia Article!

After all I learned about Romancing the Stone, I thought that the writer for it, Diane Thomas, had died before Jewel came out, and that’s why she didn’t write it. Come to find out, she was alive and well and could have written the movie, but Douglas felt she wanted too much money. They ended up bringing her in to help with re-writes, but who knows how much she actually did.

It’s a miracle Jewel of the Nile got made. Sadly, it’s a miracle I wish we hadn’t been given.

The Goonies (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

The Goonies (1985)

Director:

Richard Donner

Writer:

Chris Columbus

Starring:

Sean Astin

Josh Brolin

Jeff Cohen

Corey Feldman

Kerri Green

Martha Plimpton

Ke Huy Quan

John Matuszak

Robert Davi

Joe Pantoliano

Anne Ramsey

Blurb:

A group of young misfits called The Goonies discover an ancient map and set out on an adventure to find a legendary pirate’s long-lost treasure.

Thoughts:

I missed The Goonies when I was making my Best Adventure Movies list. I’ll be correcting that shortly. It fits my definition of an adventure movie to a ‘T.’ A group of underdogs go on a quest to find the lost pirate treasure of One-Eyed Willy. What more could you ask for?

I can’t think of much to say about The Goonies. I have no thoughts.

It’s fun to see all these young actors since most of them went on to have active careers. I like the treasure and booby traps and all the character’s little quirks. The truffle shuffle is a bit fat phobic. There are probably a couple of other less-than-acceptable moments as well, there always seems to be in these older movies, but nothing stands out.

Reading over the Wikipedia entry, there isn’t much there either. They built a full-size replica of a pirate ship for the movie, then had to destroy it when they were done because no one wanted it. In the 120-page script, there was a scene with an octopus that ended up being cut, which explains Data’s comment at the end. A sequel has been discussed more than a few times, and it’s also been denied. Who knows? Does it even need one? No.

That’s all I’ve got. It’s a great movie, but my brain has nothing more to add to that. *shrug*

Back to the Future (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

Back to the Future (1985)

Director:

Robert Zemeckis

Writers:

Robert Zemeckis

Bob Gale

Starring:

Michael J. Fox

Christopher Lloyd

Lea Thompson

Crispin Glover

Thomas F. Wilson

Blurb:

Marty McFly, a 17-year-old high school student, is accidentally sent thirty years into the past in a time-traveling DeLorean invented by his close friend, the eccentric scientist Doc Brown.

Thoughts:

Would I like Back to the Future as much if there was no nostalgia attached to it? I don’t think so. However, it’s impossible for me to separate the two. Time travel stories always get an extra point from me because I love the idea of time travel and people out of time. That love is in big part because I watched Back to the Future at a young age. See the problem? It’s always been there and so the two are tied together.

Marty is a fucking idiot. At least he’s consistent though. He starts the film cranking a giant speaker up to the highest settings and then having it explode in his face causing what is going to be lifelong hearing damage. From there it’s just downhill. Doc has just shown him time travel is possible in the DeLorean if he reaches 88 mph. So naturally when he’s running from the Libyan terrorists (yikes) he decides to hit 90 mph all the while with a date to the 1950s set and ready to go. Then he acts surprised that he time traveled. Moron.

The list goes on with regards to the times Marty doesn’t take things to their logical conclusion. He can’t possibly make things easy for himself, the entire story is fixing his screw ups. I get it, it’s supposed to be entertaining, but it wears after the first few times he screws up his parent’s potential relationship. After meeting his parents as teenagers all you can really say, though, is at least he’s not a pervert.

George McFly is a peeping tom. He’s a cute kid with a great face, but he climbs trees and watches women undress. Meanwhile, Loraine needs to be taught how to masturbate cause damn girl is thirsty. She not only strips a man of his pants but studies his underwear enough to know what’s written around the band. She’s also so ready to fall in love that if any kind of meet cute approaches her she starts the process. She’s infatuated with Marty until George gives her an obvious line and you can see her switching her interest when Marty then gets into a fight with Biff bringing her attentions back on him.

I get why Loraine would be attracted to Marty when he confronts Biff for basically sexually assaulting her in the middle of the cafeteria. (Seriously, Strickland you have no issues with sexual assault of one of your students but god forbid they get into a fight??? Slacker.) Of course she’s going to be attracted to the person that saves her.

Side note, after all Marty had seen how could he not know his plan at the dance to get his parents back together would fail? She was so clearly into him that there would be no assault if he did anything. There would have been no hesitation on her part. He ends up failing so much that things work out for him. *cough* white men fail up *cough*

Biff is one of the worst villains in film history. He has no redeeming traits and nothing from his past could justify his behavior. The man quite possibly raped Loraine in the parking lot. That’s all it took to push George to live up to his potential, though. He needed to unwittingly stumble upon a rape in progress. *rolling eyes*

When I list it all out like that it’s difficult to see why I like Back to the Future. The time travel is really the only thing. Even Doc is a bit suspicious. Why is he hanging out with a teenage boy, really? The first movie was never my favorite. I’m hoping that my issues with the first movie aren’t in the second one as well. I’ll find out in a couple of years.

And now it’s time for Random Facts from the Wikipedia Article!

-A couple reviewers at the time of release compared Back to the Future to It’s a Wonderful Life. All I’ve got to say to that is what the fuck where these people smoking?

– Eric Stoltz was originally cast as Marty and had filmed several weeks’ worth of material before they replaced him. He still got paid, though.

– Jeff Goldblum was considered for the role of Doc Brown (wtf)

-Chuck Berry did not give them the rights to use “Johnny B. Goode” until the day before filming.

And that’s the end of another edition of Random Facts I Learned from the Wikipedia Article!

Next up, The Goonies.

Clue (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

Clue (1985)

Director:

Jonathan Lynn

Writers:

John Landis

Jonathan Lynn

Starring:

Eileen Brennan

Tim Curry

Madeline Kahn

Christopher Lloyd

Michael McKean

Martin Mull

Lesley Ann Warren

Colleen Camp

Blurb:

Six guests are anonymously invited to a strange mansion for dinner, but after their host is killed, they must cooperate with the staff to identify the murderer as the bodies pile up.

Thoughts:

I’ve watched Clue recently. That didn’t stop me from wanting to watch it again, though. Tim Curry is so amazing. The way he does the final “reveal” three different times is so much fun to watch. He’s running around and talking so fast that it’s hard to keep up, and he’s freaking out the guests. I love it.

I assume at this point that everyone already knows the biggest trivia fact from Clue. In case someone doesn’t know, here it is:

There were four endings originally filmed. One was immediately tossed as not being good. The other three were attached randomly to the end of the film, and theaters got completely different ones. It’s an interesting gimmick, but audiences didn’t seem to appreciate it. However, when it was released on home media, all three were included at the end.

The multiple endings set the movie apart and are one of my favorite parts of the film. I’m glad that decision was made.

Recently, there have been talks of a remake, with Ryan Reynolds attached to the film. I love Reynolds, but I have no idea how this would even be done. There’s no way they’ll be able to match the original. With all the recent board games to movie projects being made, I have no hopes for anything good coming out of this. Seriously, Hollywood do something original, leave older movie alone. Especially ones that have reached cult status.

The Last Dragon (1985)

The Great Movie Re-Watch

The Last Dragon (1985)

Director:

Michael Shultz

Writer:

Louis Venosta

Starring:

Taimak

Vanity

Christopher Murney

Julius Carry

Faith Prince

Mike Starr

Blurb:

In New York City, a young man searches for a Master to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as the Glow.

Thoughts:

I remember the first time I watched The Last Dragon. It was a memorable experience because I was at work and someone had put it on, and at one point, we were all singing DeBarge Rhythm of the Night. That moment and this movie are imprinted on my mind because of a spur-of-the-moment group sing-a-long.

Looking past that memory, the film is incredibly entertaining on its own. You have the himbo Bruce Leeroy, Taimak, looking for the next level of martial arts. He’s learned all his master has to offer, but he has yet to attain the Glow. Then there’s Laura Charles, Vanity, the super-popular video DJ attracted to pretty, nice men and doesn’t back down even when her life is on the line. There are TWO crazed villains. One wants fame and glory but can’t get there on his own. Last, but certainly not least, Sho’nuff The Shogun of Harlem makes the freaking movie. His goal is to prove that he’s better than Leeroy so that his power over Harlem is uncontested and unquestioned.

The women in The Last Dragon are a big part of why I love the movie. Laura Charles goes after what she wants and doesn’t compromise her integrity or jeopardize her career. She takes it a bit to the extreme because I’m pretty sure you’re life being threatened is a reasonable point to back down. Meanwhile, you’ve got Angela Viracco, Faith Prince, who loves a man who’s promised her wildest dream. But when he shows his true self, she stands her ground and faces off against him. The strength she displays is inspiring.

If you can’t find enjoyment from The Last Dragon, I don’t know what to say…