Movie Reviews

The Happytime Murders (2018)

Happytime Murders

The Happytime Murders (2018)

Director:

Brian Henson

Starring:

Melissa McCarthy

Elizabeth Banks

Maya Rudolph

Bill Barretta

Plot:

When the puppet cast of a ’90s children’s TV show begin to get murdered one by one, a disgraced LAPD detective-turned-private eye puppet takes on the case.

Review:

This is a dirty, filthy movie. If you want to see puppets do stuff you’d never see on Sesame Street than feast your eyes.

The Happytime Murders is a noir film with puppets. Phil, Bill Barretta, is a disgraced cop turned PI. He was the first puppet to ever become a police officer and he botched it because he missed a shot and accidently killed another puppet. The movie opens with him going into his office and discovering a curvaceous broad with a sob story. It hits all the usual noir tropes, with the addition of puppets and their weird quirks.

It was at times funny and entertaining, but mainly because you were seeing puppets in weird places. The story wasn’t original and wouldn’t have been worth watching without the puppets. It was just, kind of, weird.

3/5

Advertisements

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

 

Home Alone 2

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Director:

Chris Columbus

Starring:

Macaulay Culkin

Joe Pesci

Daniel Stern

Plot:

One year after Kevin McCallister was left home alone and had to defeat a pair of bumbling burglars, he accidentally finds himself stranded in New York City – and the same criminals are not far behind.

Review:

When I was growing up this was my favorite Home Alone movie. Kevin, Macaulay Culkin, gets to go to a big city, all by himself, go to a massive toy store, and eat tons of rubbish. Even as an adult he’s living my dream. Well, not really the New York part, but whatever, close enough!

Now, watching Home Alone 2, I don’t view it as positively. There is, of course, the taint of seeing Donald Trump in a beloved classic, but there’s also the fact that Kevin gets pretty extreme in his booby traps. Holy cow he would have killed the bandits many times over if it had been real. Definitely darker than the last.

I like to think that after this movie the whole family decided no more holiday traveling and they got Kevin the mental help he needed. Hopefully, he was able to live out a long, loving life, without needing to defend himself or his family from criminals that wanted to kill him. Who knows, though, maybe the Sticky/Wet Bandits broke out of jail again and finally got to seek their revenge. It’s not like anyone else knew exactly what Kevin did to them this time around.

4/5

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

Christmas Wedding Planner

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

Director:

Justin G. Dyck

Starring:

Jocelyn Hudon

Stephen Huszar

Plot:

Wedding Planner, Kelsey Wilson, is about to have her big break: planning her beloved cousin’s lavish and exclusive wedding. Everything is going smoothly until Connor McClane, a devilishly handsome private investigator, shows up and turns Kelsey’s world upside-down. Hired by a secret source, Connor quickly disrupts the upcoming nuptials but wins Kelsey’s heart in the process.

Review:

Kelsey Wilson, Jocelyn Hudon, is in the home stretch of planning her perfect cousin’s wedding. All of a sudden the bride’s gorgeous ex-boyfriend, Stephen Huszar, shows up and the mother of the bride is concerned. Not about to let all of her hard work go up in flames Kelsey pounces on him and next thing you know she is in the middle of a stake out montage that doubles as them falling in love.

Kelsey goes from thinking he’s hot, to wanting him to leave her alone, to helping him, to loving him, to feeling betrayed and hurt, to remorseful for misjudging him, and then freaking marrying him.

That’s right. She marries him at the end of the movie, even though she’s known him for maybe a week. Maybe. It’s bat shit crazy. Bat shit. There was so little romance and frankly Connor was a bit of a dick, but nope she married him without even a prenup and only two kisses under her belt.

Yeah. Christmas Wedding Planner went a bit too off the rails for me there at the end.

3/5

Holiday Engagement (2011)

Holiday Engagement

Holiday Engagement (2011)

Director:

Jim Fall

Starring:

Bonnie Somerville

Shelley Long

Jordan Bridges

Plot:

Afraid to tell her family she’s been dumped, Hillary hires an actor to play her fiancé during a four-day Thanksgiving weekend at her parents’ house.

Review:

I had no idea how long ago 2011 was until I watched this movie. Holy shit there were so many bad clichés in Holiday Engagement. All the worst romance tropes, almost.

Hillary, Bonnie Somerville, has been nagged and guilt tripped so much by her mother, Shelley Long, that the idea of going to Thanksgiving and having to tell everyone her fiancé dumped her is soul crushing. Instead of growing a spine and telling her mother that she doesn’t need a man to fulfill her she hires an actor to pose as her fiancé. What could possibly go wrong?

Seriously, this was a shit holiday movie because there is almost no redemption for the mother character. She tells her daughter’s repeatedly that they need a man to take care of and give them an identity. She is horrible in how far she goes with this. At the end of the movie she apologizes to a degree, but her apology is just she wants what’s best for them. It was garbage.

Naturally, Hillary falls in love with the actor she hired, Jordan Bridges. He falls for her, even though he’s just seen the absolute worst with her family. They get married and I assume live off her rich father because neither of them have a job and almost no work history.

2/5

 

Life-Size 2 (2018)

Life Size 2

Life-Size 2 (2018)

Director:

Steven K. Tsuchida

Starring:

Tyra Banks

Francia Raisa

Gavin Stenhouse

Plot:

Grace is a hot mess in the middle of a quarter-life crisis, realizing that she is in over her head as a toy company’s CEO. To make it worse, her wild-child ways are causing the company’s stock to plummet.

Review:

I remember watching the first movie years ago, but don’t really remember much about it. I watched this movie last night and I’m experiencing the same phenomenon. It was truly unremarkable and had very little to do with Christmas.

Grace, Francia Raisa, is an Atlanta party girl that is supposed to be running her mom’s business. She acts like a spoiled child and accepts no blame for anything. She eventually acts like an adult, but I don’t really feel like her character grew.

Eve, Tyra Banks, comes to life, is super kooky, and somehow teaches Grace life lessons. She falls in love with a chef, though, she’s so childlike that was kind of creepy, but it ends with her turning back into a doll and taking her chef with her, which was even creepier.

Grace also has a love interest but that is sort of shoe horned in there and apart from physical attraction there’s really no reason why these people are together.

Lots of stuff was shoved into the movie and it just did not connect.

2/5