Danny Trejo

In the Blood (2014)

In the Blood In the Blood (2014)

Director:

John Stockwell

Starring:

Gina Carano

Cam Gigandet

Danny Trejo

Plot:

When her husband goes missing during their Caribbean vacation, a woman sets off on her own to take down the men she thinks are responsible.

Review:

Oh my god. Please do not waste your time on this movie. Please. I beg you. Don’t. Watch Twilight or CSPAN, but not this movie.

I really like Gina Carano but I’ve yet to see her in a movie that properly utilizes her talents. As in her fighting talents, cause she currently cannot act. That’s fine though, there’s a shortage of female action stars that can kick ass. Put her in a role where she beats the shit out of people.

This movie had some serious pacing issues. It was boring as shit and then a fight scene would happen and then it would be boring as shit again. The plot sounds interesting and if they’d done the usual action movie fare and skipped story it would have been fine. As in within the first ten minutes her husband is kidnapped and she goes on a rampage to find him. Think Commando. Actually go watch Commando instead of this movie.

There are several good reviews and it has a surprising rating of 5.8 on IMDB.com. I have no idea what movie these people were watching but it wasn’t this one. Maybe they fell asleep and woke up whenever shit happened. I don’t know, whatever the case go watch paint dry or something before watching this.

1/5

Also they thought they were being so witty with that title, but they weren’t. They were stupid. And that’s all I have to say about that.

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Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

Muppets Most wanted

Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

Director:

James Bobin

Starring:

Ricky Gervais

Ty Burrell

Tina Fey

Plot:

While on a grand world tour, The Muppets find themselves wrapped into an European jewel-heist caper headed by a Kermit the Frog look-alike and his dastardly sidekick.

Review:

Danny Trejo was in a children’s musical. Seriously. Crazy.

The Muppets were a little bit before my time but I thought the last movie was cute.

Ty Burrell’s character was funny.

Ricky Gervais was, of course, a good bad guy. He’s basically made for those roles.

My daughter went crazy pounding the TV when the movie first started, so she seemed to enjoy it.

I didn’t really have any strong feelings either way for the movie.

3/5

 

Also OMG at Ricky Gervais in a lemur costume.

Machete Kills (2013)

machete kills

Director:

Robert Rodriguez

Starring:

Danny Trejo

Mel Gibson

Michelle Rodriguez

Plot:

The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.

Review:

Wow. Seriously wow. First off I enjoyed the first movie. It was over the top, cheesy, and had lots of boobs.

Machete Kills surpassed Machete by leaps and bounds in the cheese department. It was right on the edge of being too cheesy and a couple times it might have stepped over that edge. Still very enjoyable. Tons of actions. No I don’t think you understand. There is tons of action. In case you’re unaware Machete makes Rambo look like a pussy.

The ending was a cliff hanger, much like The Matrix Reloaded, but unlike the Matrix series we’ll probably have to wait a while for Machete Kills Again. Can’t wait for it though, it looks like it’s going to reach a level of ridiculousness rarely achieved.

3.5/5