The Great Movie Re-Watch
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
Todd W. Langen
Four teenage mutant ninja turtles emerge from the shadows to protect New York City from a gang of criminal ninjas.
If you put a pizza through a grate like that, all of the cheese would slide off, and it would suck. The only way it wouldn’t is if it’s not a fresh pizza, and maybe the turtles are used to that, but surely thirty minutes isn’t enough time for a pizza to be made and cool to that point. Also, stiffing the dude on a tip is a dick move turtles.
Next, what the fuck was going on with Casey Jones’ pants? Seriously, dude, why the fuck are they cupping your junk so tightly? I like you, I really do, but I don’t want to see that until we’ve been married years and you’re joking around. Come on, be better.
April, don’t change. Keep channeling Lois Lane and do your thing. Don’t let the man beat you down. Maybe don’t read your journal as a voice-over. It was kind of weird and out of place.
Danny’s dad was just so-so. He didn’t seem bad, but he wasn’t awesome or anything. So I’ll let the whole call me Dan now dad thing slide. It was borderline eh, though.
This was yet another one of my husband’s movies. It’s the movie he’s most watched in his lifetime, and we tried to watch it with our kids. Like young children, they asked questions the entire time, and the experience was probably not what he had in mind. Still, they’ve seen it and hopefully one day grow to appreciate it the way he would like them to.
Nineteen-ninety-one has three movies of mine, finally, so I’m happy to watch something of mine finally.