Movie Reviews

In the Blood (2014)

In the Blood In the Blood (2014)

Director:

John Stockwell

Starring:

Gina Carano

Cam Gigandet

Danny Trejo

Plot:

When her husband goes missing during their Caribbean vacation, a woman sets off on her own to take down the men she thinks are responsible.

Review:

Oh my god. Please do not waste your time on this movie. Please. I beg you. Don’t. Watch Twilight or CSPAN, but not this movie.

I really like Gina Carano but I’ve yet to see her in a movie that properly utilizes her talents. As in her fighting talents, cause she currently cannot act. That’s fine though, there’s a shortage of female action stars that can kick ass. Put her in a role where she beats the shit out of people.

This movie had some serious pacing issues. It was boring as shit and then a fight scene would happen and then it would be boring as shit again. The plot sounds interesting and if they’d done the usual action movie fare and skipped story it would have been fine. As in within the first ten minutes her husband is kidnapped and she goes on a rampage to find him. Think Commando. Actually go watch Commando instead of this movie.

There are several good reviews and it has a surprising rating of 5.8 on IMDB.com. I have no idea what movie these people were watching but it wasn’t this one. Maybe they fell asleep and woke up whenever shit happened. I don’t know, whatever the case go watch paint dry or something before watching this.

1/5

Also they thought they were being so witty with that title, but they weren’t. They were stupid. And that’s all I have to say about that.

22 Jump Street (2014)

22 Jump Street

22 Jump Street (2014)

Director:

Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

Starring:

Channing Tatum

Jonah Hill

Ice Cube

Plot:

After making their way through high school (twice), big changes are in store for officers Schmidt and Jenko when they go deep undercover at a local college.

Review:

That movie had no business being 112 minutes. Too long. I was barely holding on by the end. Also the jokes about it being a sequel got old fast. I knew they were coming, every review I read mentioned them, but holy cow.

Credits were possibly the best part of the movie.

2/5

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)

Sin City

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)

Director:

Frank Miller & Robert Rodriguez

Starring:

Mickey Rourke

Jessica Alba

Josh Brolin

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Plot:

Some of Sin City’s most hard-boiled citizens cross paths with a few of its more reviled inhabitants.

Review:

So Sin City has a lot of nostalgia attached to it. It was the movie my husband and I went to see on our first date. So we were both looking forward to a sequel, for the last nine years.

Personally I think they shouldn’t have waited so long to make a sequel. The actors were noticeable older and the fact that they didn’t/couldn’t get the original actors for a few parts sucked.

That being said I liked the look and feel of the movie. The action scenes were great and, even though Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character was stupid, I liked his story line.

Men are weak in Sin City. They may be able to beat the shit out of people but the real power are the women.

Least favorite part of the movie was the Dame. In a movie filled with over dramatic characters she stood out and I didn’t like her.

My husband summed the movie up when he said it was a cautionary tale of men thinking with their penises.

3/5

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

A Million Ways to Die in the West

A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Director:

Seth MacFarlane

Starring:

Seth MacFarlane

Charlize Theron

Liam Neeson

Plot:

As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his new-found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival.

Review:

I thought they were trying too hard to be like Blazing Saddles, though, that could just be my imagination. They’re both comedy westerns and how many of those are there?

It was a funny movie and had some very funny parts, but that’s pretty much it. What else did you expect?

3/5

Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Edge of Tomorrow

Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Director:

Doug Liman

Starring:

Tom Cruise

Emily Blunt

Bill Paxton

Plot:

A military officer is brought into an alien war against an extraterrestrial enemy who can reset the day and know the future. When this officer is enabled with the same power, he teams up with a Special Forces warrior to try and end the war.

Review:

So I almost didn’t rent this because the cover makes it seem like the title is Live. Die. Repeat. The only reason I looked at it was because I’d not heard of a movie with that title. So not sure if that was a good move marketing wise.

Tom Cruise plays a coward well, was my first thought. Bill Paxton is awesome. Emily Blunts introduction is great. Before you even see her there are images plastered all over the world about how awesome she is and then the first image of her in person she’s in the middle of a hanger, doing a push up only the only thing on the floor is her hand.

Holy shit the aliens are freaking crazy. They move so fast and they’re all tentacles and machine.

Tom Cruises CG face looked like shit.

This movie is Groundhog day on steroids, it’s fucking insane. Also if you haven’t seen Groundhog Day watch it.

The end of this movie dragged on. A lot. I honestly like the first two thirds but by the time it was over I could barely pay attention. It’s 113 minutes but it felt like so much longer. The repeated days didn’t bother me but the ending that never came did. When it finally did it was total bullshit. A giant reset button that magically made everything better with no valid reasoning that I can see.

3/5

“On your feet maggot!”