Mel Gibson

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Director:

Patrick Hughes

Starring:

Sylvester Stallone

Jason Statham

Jet Li

Harrison Ford

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Mel Gibson

Wesley Snipes

Dolph Lundgren

Randy Couture

Terry Crews

Kelsey Grammer

Antonio Banderas

Plot:

Barney augments his team with new blood for a personal battle: to take down Conrad Stonebanks, the Expendables co-founder and notorious arms trader who is hell bent on wiping out Barney and every single one of his associates.

Review:

It sucks that this movie got leaked, but then it sucks that they screwed over their fans and made the movie PG-13. I don’t expect much of a story from an Expendables movie but I do expect lots of blood, action, and violence. When the best part of the movie is the dialog you know that something is wrong.

The best parts were Kelsey Grammer, Wesley Snipes, Harrison Ford, and Antonio Banderas. The kids might not have even been in the movie, though if they weren’t we wouldn’t have the awesome scenes with Grammer. I wasn’t expecting much from Banderas but he was crazy and not what I had anticipated. I expected more from Snipes, but apart from the beginning, he was barely in the movie.

Evidently the original cut was four hours long but obviously it couldn’t be that long so they cut a bunch. At least I hope that’s what it was, because there were a lot of parts where it was just what the hell? They had a dude for half an hour just jumping up an elevator shaft. They’d just cut to him randomly.

There are a lot of people in the Expendables movies but unlike the Avengers movies they have a hard time finding a good balance with characters. That’s actually something I wish they had done with these, have build up. One movie shows off how much of a badass this character is and then another movies does the same with another and then they team up to kick even more ass. But that hasn’t been done so I should just get over it.

I really liked the first two Expendables movies, they were on the cusp of being awesome and with each one they just fell a little short. They suffered from too many quick cuts, poor editing, and bad CG. This one had that times a hundred. My hope is that they cut a lot to get a PG-13 rating and that when the extended cut comes out on Blu-ray I get a better movie.

3/5

Machete Kills (2013)

machete kills

Director:

Robert Rodriguez

Starring:

Danny Trejo

Mel Gibson

Michelle Rodriguez

Plot:

The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.

Review:

Wow. Seriously wow. First off I enjoyed the first movie. It was over the top, cheesy, and had lots of boobs.

Machete Kills surpassed Machete by leaps and bounds in the cheese department. It was right on the edge of being too cheesy and a couple times it might have stepped over that edge. Still very enjoyable. Tons of actions. No I don’t think you understand. There is tons of action. In case you’re unaware Machete makes Rambo look like a pussy.

The ending was a cliff hanger, much like The Matrix Reloaded, but unlike the Matrix series we’ll probably have to wait a while for Machete Kills Again. Can’t wait for it though, it looks like it’s going to reach a level of ridiculousness rarely achieved.

3.5/5