Dolph Lundgren

Aquaman (2018)

Aquaman

Aquaman (2018)

Director:

James Wan

Starring:

Jason Momoa

Amber Heard

Nicole Kidman

Dolph Lundgren

Plot:

Arthur Curry, the human-born heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, goes on a quest to prevent a war between the worlds of ocean and land.

Review:

I went in with no expectations for this movie. I’d only watched one trailer, that I didn’t really remember, but I had several people tell me this and Wonder Woman were signaling DC finally coming into their own. I don’t know what the hell movie they were watching but I personally felt that Aquaman was hot garbage.

How many times did something explode into people interrupting a moment? Like four times! How many times did a guitar riff play when Aquaman said some one line? I think another four times, in like the first half hour. The CG hair was super distracting, especially on Dolph Lundgren. The movie was way too long. The plot boring and super, super predictable but not in a fun way. There was nothing fun about this movie.

Maybe if you’re a huge Aquaman fan you enjoyed how close to the comics the villains costumes supposedly were. I’ve never read an Aquaman comic so I couldn’t take Manta Ray seriously. And every time they said Ocean Master I snorted.

I just…I can’t with DC. After watching Captain Marvel and Into the Spiderverse it’s like they aren’t anywhere in the same league and I can’t help but compare them. Marvel has had a plan since day one and it freaking shows. The DC universe makes the X-Men universe look simple. I just don’t know what the fuck was going on in the greater world and universe and honestly I don’t care.

I wasn’t invested in any of the relationships in this movie which made the over two hour movie drag into eternity. There was no chemistry between any of the actors, though Nicole Kidman, god love her, tried. I just couldn’t with anyone here and have no idea what the fuck people were raving about with this movie.

1/5

Skin Trade (2014)

Skin Trade

Skin Trade (2014)

Director:

Ekachai Uekrongtham

Starring:

Dolph Lundgren

Tony Jaa

Ron Perlman

Michael Jai White

Plot:

After his family is killed by a Serbian gangster with international interests, NYC detective Nick goes to S.E. Asia and teams up with a Thai detective to get revenge and destroy the syndicates human trafficking network.

Review:

Lot of action names in this movie. The story was fairly mindless, I called everything that happened, there were several good fights, and the ending was weak.

Dolph Lundgren, Tony Jaa, and Michael Jai White all had good fight scenes. There wasn’t much shaky cam, though, there were more quick edits than I wanted. Still I was surprised at how good the fights looked, considering the budget for the film.

Something that annoyed me were the edits through the movie. My husband said that some people said it was the directors style. I don’t know if that’s true, but it felt more unprofessional than a style choice. At one point Michael Jai White was talking with Dolph Lundgren while walking down a hall and then all of a sudden Robocop (Peter Weller) was talking in front of a large group of cops with DL and MJW in the room. It was not seamless and didn’t work with the story and stuff like that happened a few times.

The ending was a set up for a sequel, which is pretty ambitious for this type of movie, but it also took away from the impact of the ending. A helicopter has exploded, which is great, but instead of some cheesy line and riding off into the sunset, Lundgren’s character finds out his daughter is still alive. Which sets up a sequel and gives no real closer for the first movie.

3.5/5

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Director:

Patrick Hughes

Starring:

Sylvester Stallone

Jason Statham

Jet Li

Harrison Ford

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Mel Gibson

Wesley Snipes

Dolph Lundgren

Randy Couture

Terry Crews

Kelsey Grammer

Antonio Banderas

Plot:

Barney augments his team with new blood for a personal battle: to take down Conrad Stonebanks, the Expendables co-founder and notorious arms trader who is hell bent on wiping out Barney and every single one of his associates.

Review:

It sucks that this movie got leaked, but then it sucks that they screwed over their fans and made the movie PG-13. I don’t expect much of a story from an Expendables movie but I do expect lots of blood, action, and violence. When the best part of the movie is the dialog you know that something is wrong.

The best parts were Kelsey Grammer, Wesley Snipes, Harrison Ford, and Antonio Banderas. The kids might not have even been in the movie, though if they weren’t we wouldn’t have the awesome scenes with Grammer. I wasn’t expecting much from Banderas but he was crazy and not what I had anticipated. I expected more from Snipes, but apart from the beginning, he was barely in the movie.

Evidently the original cut was four hours long but obviously it couldn’t be that long so they cut a bunch. At least I hope that’s what it was, because there were a lot of parts where it was just what the hell? They had a dude for half an hour just jumping up an elevator shaft. They’d just cut to him randomly.

There are a lot of people in the Expendables movies but unlike the Avengers movies they have a hard time finding a good balance with characters. That’s actually something I wish they had done with these, have build up. One movie shows off how much of a badass this character is and then another movies does the same with another and then they team up to kick even more ass. But that hasn’t been done so I should just get over it.

I really liked the first two Expendables movies, they were on the cusp of being awesome and with each one they just fell a little short. They suffered from too many quick cuts, poor editing, and bad CG. This one had that times a hundred. My hope is that they cut a lot to get a PG-13 rating and that when the extended cut comes out on Blu-ray I get a better movie.

3/5