Welcome To the Jungle (2013)

Welcome-to-The-Jungle-Comedy-Movie-2013-6

Director:

Rob Meltzer

Starring:

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Rob Huebel

Adam Brody

Plot:

A company retreat on a tropical island goes terribly awry.

Review:

This movie had it’s good moments but there was too much romance going on. Based on the trailer alone I didn’t realize there was going to be that much but that’s a movie trailer for you.

There were a few hilarious parts, some boobs, and cannibalism. But that’s it.

*shrug*

I guess it takes more to entertain me than it used to. Maybe if there were more boobs?

Jean-Claude Van Damme was good but not in the entire movie. Rob Huebel was hilarious. Adam Brody was predictable.

2.75/5

Red and Her Wolf

Red and her wolf

Red and Her Wolf (Kingdom #3) By: Marie Hall

Plot:

Long ago there lived a beautiful child. Her name was Violet. Fair of skin, with blonde hair and large blue eyes. Born of wild magic, she was a woman with a child’s heart. Innocent and lovely, but not at all what she seemed–you see Violet went by another name: The Heartsong. She was the child of fairy magic, the physical manifestation of all fae kinds unbridled power. Cosseted and pampered, she grew up in isolation, never knowing who she really was, or why there were those who’d seek to harm her. Ewan of the Blackfoot Clan is a wolf with a problem. He’s been sent to kill the Heartsong, but the moment he lays eyes on the blonde beauty he knows he’ll defy the evil fae he works for to claim Violet as his own. This is the tale of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, as it really happened…

Review:

Red and Ewan’s story was a bit more complicated than the other bad boys, so far. They met, he mated, she was whisked away for four hundred years. Things were a bit awkward at first and sometimes confusing, for me as much as for the characters. I think there was a lot going on all at once and it just wasn’t clicking with me.

A good book, but not her best. Red was supposed to be evil, kind of, but not really. It was weird. Still reading the rest of the series but I hope they’re more like the first two.

3/5

Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

Fast-and-furious-6-movie

Director:

Justin Lin

Starring:

Vin Diesel

Paul Walker

Dwayne Johnson

Plot:

Hobbs has Dom and Brian reassemble their crew in order to take down a mastermind who commands an organization of mercenary drivers across 12 countries. Payment? Full pardons for them all.

Review:

So I’ve watched, and enjoyed, the Expendables movies, good acting is not a requirement for me to like a movie. That being said this movie was seriously lacking in the acting department. Also holy shit at that move with Vin Diesel jumping out of the car, that was ridiculous, and not in a good way.

I am not the demographic these movies are trying to reach, maybe that’s why I’ve never really liked them. I watch each of them (except Tokyo Drift), eventually, but I never really like them. At their peaks they’re mildly entertaining.

I like cheesy movies, but these just don’t crank my tractor.

2.75/5

Royal Pain Seasons 1-4 USA Network

royal pains

Starring:

Mark Feuerstein

Paulo Costanzo

Reshma Shetty

Brooke D’Orsay

Campbell Scott

Plot:

An unfairly discredited but brilliant diagnostic surgeon winds up working with his cheesy brother in the Hamptons as a concierge doctor to the uber-rich and ultra-elite.

Review:

You can really tell the quality of the show increased at season three. The first two seasons weren’t bad but the timeline seemed a bit wonky and each episode ending seemed to happen ten minutes before the show was over. You ended up having three different endings which was weird.

Hank, Mark Feuerstein is a douche bag more often than not and my favorite character is by far Evan, Paulo Costanzo. It use to be Divya, Reshma Shetty, but season four her character became this love sick teenager and it annoyed me. I realize why they did that, she was promised to someone most of her life and she never had a lust filled teenage romance, still doesn’t mean I have to like it. Especially since they added a new doctor in the fourth season that was just so quirky I couldn’t help but want him to get with her.

Season Four had a season finale and then a two part Christmas special. Since I didn’t watch it live I’m not sure how they advertised but that’s how it felt. The season finale ended with an explosion and Hank getting knocked out. Then all of a sudden it’s Christmas? Wtf?

The Christmas Special was just ok, lots of emotional Christmas stuff, some that I feel didn’t need to be there. Did we really need to see Jill? Fuck Jill. Who cares about her? I want to know what happened to Boris. If they’ve killed him I’ll be pissed. The ending completely redeemed all the stupid stuff though.

Seasons One through Four are on Netflix Instant and season Five has aired but isn’t available steaming anywhere. Naturally after the ending of the Christmas special I had to go to Amazon and buy season Five. I did what they wanted me to do. Oh well. I haven’t finished watching it yet so I haven’t included it on this review. So far all I can say is dude that beard looks fake.

Season Six stars on June 10th.

4/5

Fat Vampire

fat vampire

Fat Vampire By Johnny B. Truant

Plot:

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn’t make fun of him, it’s just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a thousand-year-old vampire. And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it’s just Reginald’s own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he’s become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to “heal” to his corpulent self for all of eternity. As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire — too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead — he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife’s lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

Review:

I stayed up way too late reading this book. It’s actually been a while since I’ve stayed up quiet that late. I naturally regretted it in the morning but I just couldn’t stop reading.

There was a part involving a child where I was concerned about the direction the story was going but it all worked out and wasn’t creepy or horrible in any way. Though I didn’t understand why, at the end, they didn’t explain why the mother just let her child disappear for a couple weeks. Maybe I missed the explanation, it was super late.

4/5