Parker (2013)

parker

Director:

Taylor Hackford

Starring:

Jason Statham

Jennifer Lopez

Michael Chiklis

Plot:

A thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew’s latest heist.

Review:

Poor Jason Statham. He’s a super attractive man that can kick some serious ass. Why does he insist on starring in such shitty movies? Is it just the scripts he’s getting? Are there no good action scripts out there? God I hope that’s it. I’m going to spend my free time writing an action script that doesn’t suck.

I can’t think of one redeemable part of this movie. It had Jennifer Lopez in it, but she didn’t really need to be. There didn’t need to be two women in this movie, they could have brought it down to one.

Statham should never, ever, ever do a southern accent ever again. Ever.

1/5

Steelheart

steelheart

Steelheart (Reckoners #1) By: Brandon Sanderson

Plot:

There are no heroes. Ten years ago, Calamity came. It was a burst in the sky that gave ordinary men and women extraordinary powers. The awed public started calling them Epics. But Epics are no friend of man. With incredible gifts came the desire to rule. And to rule man you must crush his wills. Nobody fights the Epics… nobody but the Reckoners. A shadowy group of ordinary humans, they spend their lives studying Epics, finding their weaknesses, and then assassinating them. And David wants in. He wants Steelheart—the Epic who is said to be invincible. The Epic who killed David’s father. For years, like the Reckoners, David’s been studying, and planning—and he has something they need. Not an object, but an experience. He’s seen Steelheart bleed. And he wants revenge.

Review:

Why do people feel the need to kill babies in books? It kills me. The book would have to be the most poorly book ever written and still I would probably cry. This book was obviously not poorly written and even though it’s done at the very beginning and just sort of offhand I still boohooed.

Totally not a world of superheroes I would want to live in, incredibly dark though not quite as depressing as I thought it would be. I must have been in a good mood because thinking back it’s a pretty depressing book.

Makes me sad that all the Epics are basically evil.

Loved the twist at the end, though I did call one of the things Sanderson did. Still loved it. Really looking forward to the next book, wish it was out now so I could read it and then demand the next book.

5/5

Royal Pains Season 5

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Network:

USA

Starring:

Mark Feuerstein

Paulo Costanzo

Reshma Shetty

Brooke D’Orsay

Campbell Scott

Ben Shenkman

Plot:

An unfairly discredited but brilliant diagnostic surgeon winds up working with his cheesy brother in the Hamptons as a concierge doctor to the uber-rich and ultra-elite.

Review:

What the hell did they do to Paige, Brooke D’Orsay? She became this moody bitch and the relationship between her and Evan, Paulo Costanzo, is just falling apart. Makes me sad. Though originally I did ship Evan and Divya, Reshma Shetty, when Paige was introduced and also Jeremiah, Ben Shenkman, my feelings changed. I really like the idea of Jeremiah and Divya so they better not get rid of him.

Kind of disappointed in the whole Hank, Mark Feuerstein, pills thing. I was glad that there winded up being a legitimate reason, still thought that was an over done story line. Also it would be really nice if Hank Med wasn’t always in jeopardy.

3.5/5

New season starts tonight at 9:00 on USA

Delivery Man (2013)

Delivery man

Director:

Ken Scott

Starring:

Vince Vaughn

Chris Pratt

Cobie Smulders

Plot:

An affable underachiever finds out he’s fathered 533 children through anonymous donations to a fertility clinic 20 years ago. Now he must decide whether or not to come forward when 142 of them file a lawsuit to reveal his identity.

Review:

For whatever reason my local Red Boxes did not get many copies of this movie and it took forever to finally get to rent it. I started out just kind of wanting to see it but after being thwarted for so long I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Normally that would be a set up for disappointment but this was a solid 3 star movie.

There were just the right amount of feels for a comedy. Too often, lately, comedies have tried to be too emotional (I’m looking at you How I Met Your Mother) really shooting for that emotional moment and not delivering as well on actual comedy. This movie had the emotional bits but I didn’t feel overloaded.

Having said that there wasn’t as much comedy as there could have been. That’s what makes this a 3 star and not higher.

3/5

Numb3rs (2005-2010)

Numb3rs title

Numb3rs (2005-2010)

 Network:

CBS

Starring:

David Krumholtz

Rob Morrow

Judd Hirsch

Alimi Ballard

Navi Rawat

Plot:

Working for the FBI, a mathematician uses equations to help solve various crimes.

Review:

This TV show should have been called Math, not Numb3rs. It’s even said in the opening credits sequence, which by the way is stupid and did not grow on me.

They also did an episode in the second season about a group of gamers shooting up a school which, as a gamer, pisses me off. I hate when TV shows do that story and for a while so many of them did.

Honestly a lot of the tech speak in the show is total bullshit, I have no idea if the math stuff is though. Hopefully they used all their money on math consultants and not tech people. I read somewhere that some TV/Movie tech advisors like to give total bullshit mumbo jumbo to writers as a joke. If that’s true it kind of pisses me off because it takes me out of the story.

Don, Rob Morrow, has women that come out of the woodwork. Every few episodes it’s like there’s a new one that shows up. This stopped happening by the last seasons and he had a steady woman that showed up every few episodes.

If you’re looking for a show that you can have on in the background and not be distracted by this is the show.

Around the second half of season three things started to get more action packed so naturally I started to enjoy it more. There were still some fairly boring episodes that were easily ignored but now there were also Chinese spies, lots of gun fights, and some pretty decent explosions.

The ending of the last season came off as pretty rushed so I’m not sure if they knew it was coming or if cancelation was sprung on them. It felt like they were trying to close up story lines but ended up just rushing everything and it didn’t feel like much closer.

Oh well. Show grew on me, but then after six seasons it better. Liked the fact that they had several strong female leads and they could kick ass and didn’t constantly talk about men and stereotypical girl shit.

3/5