Review

Attack of the 50 Foot Wallflower

attack of the 50 foot wallflower

Attack of the 50 Foot Wallflower By: Christian McKay Heidicker

Plot:

Phoebe Lane is a lightning rod for monsters.

She and her mom are forced to flee flesh-eating plants, radioactive ants, and blobs from outer space. They survive thanks to Phoebe’s dad—an invisible titan, whose giant eyes warn them where the next monster attack will take place.

All Phoebe wants is to stop running from motel to motel and start living a monster-free life in New York or Paris. But when her mom mysteriously vanishes, Phoebe is left to fend for herself in small-town Pennybrooke.

That’s when Phoebe starts to transform…

Christian McKay Heidicker, author of Cure for the Common Universe, returns with a book unlike any other, challenging perceived notions of beauty, identity, and what it means to be a monster.

Review:

I don’t watch B movies but they’re so a part of our lexicon that it would be impossible for you to not be aware of what they are. So, for those of you who aren’t familiar with them as well, I did not feel lost or like I was missing something, though, I probably did.

Phoebe was not a particularly interesting person. She had an interesting backstory and parents, but her response to everything was to cry. She was world weary and in the beginning came off spoiled, but she also just wanted to find her mom, except when she was distracted. She was easily lied too, but then she was young, except, again, when she wasn’t.

I found the world more interesting than her character, until I realized it wasn’t going to change. I spent most of the time I was reading wishing she’d do something instead of just going about her life trying to stay below the radar. I felt constricted while reading, I just kept on waiting for her to force the world to stop being so horrible. She knew the way people were acting was bad, but she was not a hero, and not trying to change anything.

By far the most intriguing part of the story was Phoebe’s father, but you get no real explanation about him or his world or how hers came to be or much of anything. The ending was very underwhelming. I was hoping for answers or a happily ever after, but there were still questions unanswered and Phoebe’s life was back to what it had been originally, with a small change.

The cover on this book is phenomenal, and I thought the concept was fun, but I don’t feel like the book delivered. It was underwhelming.

3/5

Alien in the House

Alien in the House

Alien in the House (Katherine “Kitty” Katt #7) By: Gini Koch

Plot:

Jeff and Kitty Katt-Martini have learned the ins and outs of Washington politics, not to mention how to prevail in intergalactic war and foil dangerous plots. But, in the aftermath of Operation Destruction, the Gower girls’ powers are burned out, the entire A-C population has been “outed” as the aliens living on Earth that they are, and, worst of all, ACE is nowhere to be found.

Then murder and mayhem are served up at an important dinner party at the American Centaurion Embassy, and when the dust settles Alpha Team and the Diplomatic Corps have more problems than just a dead Congressman.

Is there a single criminal mastermind—or multiple enemies—behind all the conspiracies that want Kitty dead and the A-Cs gone or co-opted to become the War Division?

The return of the best assassins in the business, the reappearance of two individuals long-presumed dead, Agent Malcolm Buchanan felled by something no one can identify or cure, and new technology that can block even the most powerful empath on Earth … all of this means the game’s officially afoot.

Then Vance Beaumont comes to Kitty with a wild theory that someone is systematically killing off the House of Representatives…

It’s up to Kitty and the rest of the gang to find out what’s really going on and why. But will they be able to stop the killer or killers before the rest of the U.S. House of Representatives become casualties? And will the replacement Representative for New Mexico’s 2nd District, who happens to be Jeff Martini, be the next to die?

Review:

First, I just want to say that I love the titles and the covers for these books. They’re always so perfect.

On to the review, I started this book two years ago, maybe? I got to 65% and for some reason stopped reading. I’m honestly not sure why, the book is fine, well within expectations of the series, so who knows. Jumping back in I did have a bit of confusion, the cast of characters is massive at this point, but they’re all so memorable that it didn’t take too long to remember what was going on.

What I love about this series is that Kitty is going to figure out what’s going on, no matter what. It is the ultimate wish fulfillment self-insert story. It’s like old sci-fi pulp fiction. Only instead of a dude getting to bang all the chicks and solve all the problems we’ve got a woman that gets to solve all the problems, boss everyone around, and bang her hot husband while all of her friends end up pairing up with hot smart people. It’s perfect.

There’s nothing too deep about this series, but it is complicated. There’s a mass of characters that almost always make an appearance and more are added each book. There’s multiple worlds, though, the this book only takes place on Earth. There are several government agencies and conspiracies and just a whole hell of a lot going on.

Like I said, though, Kitty and her crew will always figure it out in time and the core group of people will survive. It’s comforting junk food that I’m glad I returned too.

3.5/5

 

 

The Happytime Murders (2018)

Happytime Murders

The Happytime Murders (2018)

Director:

Brian Henson

Starring:

Melissa McCarthy

Elizabeth Banks

Maya Rudolph

Bill Barretta

Plot:

When the puppet cast of a ’90s children’s TV show begin to get murdered one by one, a disgraced LAPD detective-turned-private eye puppet takes on the case.

Review:

This is a dirty, filthy movie. If you want to see puppets do stuff you’d never see on Sesame Street than feast your eyes.

The Happytime Murders is a noir film with puppets. Phil, Bill Barretta, is a disgraced cop turned PI. He was the first puppet to ever become a police officer and he botched it because he missed a shot and accidently killed another puppet. The movie opens with him going into his office and discovering a curvaceous broad with a sob story. It hits all the usual noir tropes, with the addition of puppets and their weird quirks.

It was at times funny and entertaining, but mainly because you were seeing puppets in weird places. The story wasn’t original and wouldn’t have been worth watching without the puppets. It was just, kind of, weird.

3/5

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

 

Home Alone 2

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Director:

Chris Columbus

Starring:

Macaulay Culkin

Joe Pesci

Daniel Stern

Plot:

One year after Kevin McCallister was left home alone and had to defeat a pair of bumbling burglars, he accidentally finds himself stranded in New York City – and the same criminals are not far behind.

Review:

When I was growing up this was my favorite Home Alone movie. Kevin, Macaulay Culkin, gets to go to a big city, all by himself, go to a massive toy store, and eat tons of rubbish. Even as an adult he’s living my dream. Well, not really the New York part, but whatever, close enough!

Now, watching Home Alone 2, I don’t view it as positively. There is, of course, the taint of seeing Donald Trump in a beloved classic, but there’s also the fact that Kevin gets pretty extreme in his booby traps. Holy cow he would have killed the bandits many times over if it had been real. Definitely darker than the last.

I like to think that after this movie the whole family decided no more holiday traveling and they got Kevin the mental help he needed. Hopefully, he was able to live out a long, loving life, without needing to defend himself or his family from criminals that wanted to kill him. Who knows, though, maybe the Sticky/Wet Bandits broke out of jail again and finally got to seek their revenge. It’s not like anyone else knew exactly what Kevin did to them this time around.

4/5

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

Christmas Wedding Planner

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

Director:

Justin G. Dyck

Starring:

Jocelyn Hudon

Stephen Huszar

Plot:

Wedding Planner, Kelsey Wilson, is about to have her big break: planning her beloved cousin’s lavish and exclusive wedding. Everything is going smoothly until Connor McClane, a devilishly handsome private investigator, shows up and turns Kelsey’s world upside-down. Hired by a secret source, Connor quickly disrupts the upcoming nuptials but wins Kelsey’s heart in the process.

Review:

Kelsey Wilson, Jocelyn Hudon, is in the home stretch of planning her perfect cousin’s wedding. All of a sudden the bride’s gorgeous ex-boyfriend, Stephen Huszar, shows up and the mother of the bride is concerned. Not about to let all of her hard work go up in flames Kelsey pounces on him and next thing you know she is in the middle of a stake out montage that doubles as them falling in love.

Kelsey goes from thinking he’s hot, to wanting him to leave her alone, to helping him, to loving him, to feeling betrayed and hurt, to remorseful for misjudging him, and then freaking marrying him.

That’s right. She marries him at the end of the movie, even though she’s known him for maybe a week. Maybe. It’s bat shit crazy. Bat shit. There was so little romance and frankly Connor was a bit of a dick, but nope she married him without even a prenup and only two kisses under her belt.

Yeah. Christmas Wedding Planner went a bit too off the rails for me there at the end.

3/5