Vincent D’Onofrio

CHIPS (2017)

CHIPS (2017)

Director:

Dax Shephard

Starring:

Michael Pena

Dax Shephard

Vincent D’Onofrio

Plot:

A rookie officer is teamed with a hardened pro at the California Highway Patrol, though the newbie soon learns his partner is really an undercover Fed investigating a heist that may involve some crooked cops.

Review:

This movie was a lot funnier than I expected. It’s actually kind of sad that it bombed and won’t get a sequel.

Dax Shephard is an ex-BMX rider or something and is basically stitched together. Michael Pena is an FBI agent that can’t resist yoga pants and is a loose cannon. They become friends and catch bank robbers. It’s hilarious. Also, boobs.

3.5/5

El Camino Christmas (2017)

El Camino Christmas (2017)

Netflix Original

Director:

David E. Talbert

Starring:

Vincent D’Onofrio

Tim Allen

Jessica Alba

Plot:

The project, scripted by Melfi and writer Chris Wehner, is about a young man (Grimes) who seeks out a father he has never met and, through no fault of his own, ends up barricaded in a liquor store with five other people on Christmas Eve. The story takes place in the fictitious town of El Camino, NV.

Review:

Giant cluster fuck the movie. Everything that can go wrong basically does but it’s not funny in the slightest. So if that’s what you want this holiday season, a shootout in a gas station liquor store, involving incompetent cops, and a whole lot of booze then this is the movie for you.

It was depressing.

Tim Allen seemed to be phoning it in, though everyone else was pretty good. Vincent D’Onofrio did a bit of overacting, well maybe not, his character was a fucking asshole and a drunk so who knows. Ending was not very satisfying, though, I appreciated the epilogue. It was not a happy Christmas movie.

2/5

The Magnificent Seven (2016)

the-magnificent-seven

The Magnificent Seven (2016)

Director:

Antoine Fuqua

Starring:

Denzel Washington

Chris Pratt

Ethan Hawke

Vincent D’Onofrio

Plot:

Seven gunmen in the old west gradually come together to help a poor village against savage thieves.

Review:

Oh my god what the hell was Vincent D’Onofrio doing with his voice? It was painful anytime he spoke.

I really wanted to watch this movie. Even after hearing that the movie got bad reviews, I held on hope because I really liked the trailer. I really need to stop doing that.

Chris Pratt nailed the look, but didn’t get the voice for me. Denzel Washington was fine and so was Ethan Hawke, but they didn’t make up for the films short comings.

The movie was too clean for a western, as in the appearance of the film, not the actual people and setting. It just seemed too digital, I guess.

The movie ended up being about how a group of seven relative strangers could work together seamlessly without any preparation, they just knew what the other would do as if my magic. They forged a psychic link that could be surpassed by nothing, well…

2.5/5

Jurassic World (2015)

Jurassic Park Lost World

Jurassic World (2015)

Director:

Colin Trevorrow

Starring:

Chris Pratt

Bryce Howard

Vincent D’Onofrio

Plot:

A new theme park is built on the original site of Jurassic Park. Everything is going well until the park’s newest attraction–a genetically modified giant stealth killing machine–escapes containment and goes on a killing spree.

Review:

Well I haven’t yet watched all the other Jurassic movies, I’m missing the third, but I don’t always get to see movies in theaters and I jumped at the opportunity to see this one.

First off, Chris Pratt is my new Hollywood crush. Dude is hilarious, smart, and sexy, so pretty much the entire package. Way to go Anna Faris for locking that down.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this film. It’s incredible that I could go from being terrified of the raptors in the first film and crying when they get hurt in this movie. I thought the dinosaur eating people action was great, though, the bad guy could have gone out better and the way they took out the babysitter seemed a bit over the top.

The kids were nowhere near as annoying as the kids from the first two movies. The brooding, girl obsessed teenage boy was annoying, but he was supposed to be. I liked that as soon as shit got real he was the protective older brother.

Bryce Howard’s character was awesome and such a relief after how much I hated Julianne Moore’s character from the second one. She was capable, but not to the point where she was great at everything. She knew her weakness and strengths. The fact that she did that all on heels makes her a bit more amazing than Chris Pratt’s character.

Loved the boy’s reaction to Pratt.

The movie was a lot of fun and I’m glad that it made so much money because that means I’m going to get more. They already set up a sequel so some of the work is already done.

4/5